Sometimes Christians say silly things like, “I love that person, but I don’t have to like him” but I guess I’ve said it too. My idea of love used to be sacrificing for the good of others, as if giving a person my time or a gift was sufficient to make them feel loved, and liking them had nothing to do with it.
Jesus said to His disciples and to me: “A new commandment I give to you, that you
love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.
By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for
one another.” (John 13:34–35)
He said I’m to love others as He loved me.
That might be where the above limitations initially came from; I’m thinking He died
on the cross for me (which is sacrificial love), but He really doesn’t like me.
However, the more Jesus reveals Himself to
me, the more I realize that thinking love is a sacrifice only could be some
sort of self-protective device. Doing that can make me look good without any
emotional commitment. That way, other people cannot reject or hurt me because
my so-called actions of love might look good, but I am keeping my heart out of
it.
An author, Joshua Harris, said this: “Christ
taught that love is not for the fulfillment of the self but for the Glory of
God and the food of others. True love is selfless. It gives; it sacrifices; it
dies to its own needs.” This is true and it means that dying to my own needs
includes that need to feel emotionally safe.
Timothy Keller, another author and pastor
whom I’ve come to highly respect, says this: “We instinctively tend to limit
for whom we exert ourselves. We do it for people like us, and for people whom
we like. Jesus will have none of that.
By depicting a Samaritan helping a Jew, Jesus could not have found a more
forceful way to say that anyone at all in need - regardless of race, politics,
class, and religion - is your neighbor. Not everyone is your brother or sister in faith, but everyone is
your neighbor, and you must love your neighbor.” (italics mine)
That puts me closer to what Jesus says
about loving others as He loved me. He didn’t love me because I had any merit
at all. My love for others is to be like that, not picky at all. As Keller
says, I am to love those that I otherwise might turn up my nose at, or reject
because they are not like me.
But that still doesn’t deal with “liking”
them. What does it mean to like someone? Obviously Jesus supplies the best
answer in how He loves and I cannot imagine Him showing love with an “I don’t
like about you” attitude. For Him, “love” and “like” are the same thing . . . He
is with me all the time. He cares about everything I care about. He is ready to
talk whenever I want to talk. He arranges circumstances for my good. He comforts
me when I am sad. He gives me great joy over even little blessings. He grants
answers to my requests. He takes care of my needs. He gives me gifts and
friends and family and all that I need. He makes a total investment in me:
physical and emotional.
One thing that I’ve noticed about
attitudes toward others is this: if I do things for someone, even if I am angry
with that person, the act of taking care of them changes my attitude. I’ve seen
that in others too. We have a grouchy neighbor who has decided to restore from
the curb all the emptied garbage cans in our complex. He does it every week and
his attitude toward everyone has changed dramatically.
Jesus knew that. When He commands His people
to love each other, and to love our neighbors, He knows what that sacrificial love
will do; it will be a witness that we are His disciples, but it will also make
us like each other.
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