No Root

When I was thirteen years old, I decided that being a grown woman meant doing what my mother did — reading the Bible every day. This soon became a habit, but habit only. I didn’t understand it at all, yet  it became a matter of pride to mark RMB in my diary each day.

When You came into my life, the matter of “daily devotions” was easy for me. I’d already developed the habit. I have even been proud of it, lifting myself above those who are not so disciplined. I had no idea that this was not as it should be . . .  until now.    

Yesterday, I forgot . . .  No, it wasn’t forgetting, it was more like I didn’t feel like it. Tired, perhaps, but I’ve been tired before, and I simply did not open my Bible or look at my devotional book. However, all this week You have been speaking to me about motivations and about grace. You have made it clear that my disciplines and habits are only as important as the spirit behind them.

This morning, feeling guilty, I decided to read yesterday’s entry from Spurgeon’s convicting little book. Here is the verse . . .  

And the ones on the rock are those who, when they hear the word, receive it with joy. But these have no root; they believe for a while, and in time of testing fall away. (Luke 8:13)

And here is what Spurgeon has to say about this verse. 

Have I been making a fair show in the flesh without having a corresponding inner life? Good growth takes place upwards and downwards at the same time. Am I rooted in sincere fidelity and love to Jesus? If my heart remains unsoftened and unfertilized by grace, the good seed may germinate for a season, but it must ultimately wither, for it cannot flourish on a rocky, unbroken, unsanctified heart. Let me dread a godliness as rapid in growth and as wanting in endurance as Jonah’s gourd; let me count the cost of being a follower of Jesus, above all let me feel the energy of his Holy Spirit, and then I shall possess an abiding and enduring seed in my soul. If my mind remains as obdurate as it was by nature, the sun of trial will scorch, and my hard heart will help to cast the heat the more terribly upon the ill-covered seed, and my religion will soon die, and my despair will be terrible; therefore, O heavenly Sower, plough me first, and then cast the truth into me, and let me yield thee a bounteous harvest.1

You have struck a blow at something so simple and basic in my daily life making me realize the insidious depth of human pride, my pride. Instead of doing what I do out of habit, even though I’ve been tremendously blessed by that habit, You want me motivated by grace even in this. Even though this habit has carried me all these years, and more often than not has included an eagerness to hear You speak, I see from my attitude yesterday that mere habit does not sustain. It withers, just like the gourd of Jonah.

You keep showing me that only by grace can I serve You. The deadness of the flesh cannot sustain nor proclaim the life of Jesus Christ. You live in me, but Your life is nourished only by the prompting and work of the Holy Spirit, not by human effort. While I’m sure that many times You have been behind my desire to spend time with You in Your Word, today You show me that far too often I am motivated by habit and pride. Now I understand that by grace alone You serve my daily bread to me.

1 Charles H. Spurgeon, Morning and Evening: Daily Readings, Complete and unabridged; New modern edition. (Peabody, MA: Hendrickson Publishers, 2006).