September 26, 2010

To Live is Christ — practice what I preach

My mind is still a bit like mush. An evening and a day at a writers’ conference can do that to you. I came home last night, made supper, went to a farewell, came home, got three emails desperately asking for prayer and/or help with something, and discover that sleep doesn’t always fix everything.

My devotional verse is lovely though. I know it, yet needed it again this day, because my heart is not quiet and my mind has been wandering. The reason? It is in the verse . . . 
You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. (Isaiah 26:3)
Trusting God is about relying on Him to take care of sorting out the many challenges from the conference. What do I do with all that I heard?

Trusting God is also about letting Him give me rest and lift the fatigue. It is about relying on Him to take care of the person who is leaving. She goes to a part of the world where danger lurks, and what can I do to keep her safe here? Only God can do that.

As for the email, trust may include giving godly advice, but it is more about leaving the problems and the results in the hands of God. I cannot fix these things.

The measuring stick for trust is peace. How can I stew about all of this? Peace eludes me, or at the least, it seems to be playing tag. It comes and goes, taps me on the shoulder and then runs and hides. I’m not up to the chase, and know that is not the way to lay hold of peace anyway. It is like feather floating in the breeze. You cannot catch it by grabbing at it. I want to grab, but know that my efforts will only make it float farther away.

Peace is actually a symptom. The deeper issue is trust. I’m pondering now. Which of these things am I trying to fix or solve by myself? Which have I taken out of the capable hands of God and put on my to-do list? Which of them have brought worry into my heart? And why is my trust on shaky ground? Did God change?

No, He is the same, but I am not the same as I was 12 or 24 hours ago. I am really tired, tired to the point of feeling a little self-pity. Once my focus is on me, it can no longer be “stayed on” God.

Now I remember my brother when he was a boy. He became very crabby when he was tired. My mother used fatigue as the excuse for his bad temper. I was younger, but remember thinking that an adult can be tired and still be nice to other people. Fatigue is not an excuse for being rude.

Can this be true for trust as well? I think so. I cannot use fatigue as an excuse for failing to trust God, for losing my focus, or for the absence of peace. I cannot use all those problems that way either. No matter what comes across my path, it is possible to trust God and be at peace. It has happened before and can happen again.

That is my sermon to myself for today. Now I just need to practice what I preach.

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